Tag Archives: Mental health

Spread a little happiness…

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Woke up on the wrong side of the bed and a sleepless night today. I was feeling a bit ‘blah’ (OK worse than that, I was feeling grumpy and sorry for myself). Over a restorative cup of tea I read a few blogs and came across the Spread a Little Happiness blog hop; fate, no?!

So here’s what cheers me up and I hope it spreads a little happiness for you too:

Being daft with my mini me, getting out in the fresh air, drawing and being noisy are great for getting out of a fug:

This is also my What’s the Story photo for this week, Joss has discovered running and screeching at the same time which makes for some ace photos, I’m gonna photoshop a few when I get a sec as it looks like she’s running away from something, anyone want to suggest some ideas for me?!

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Learning to be grateful is great:

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Putting on an oldie but goodie and shaking it out or enjoying some trashy TV to escape the news and doom and gloom, this week it’s been Beastie Boys and Girls

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And finally, because I think these resources are brilliant and mental health enhancing, check out Action for Happiness’ 10 keys to happier living

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PROJECT 365 – JOY IN THE MUNDANE

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In a nutshell Project 365 is committing to taking a photo a day for a year. I have given this a lot of thought, as I think a year long project is something that could potentially allow me to focus in on something new in 2014, and a theme that came to mind is the idea of capturing joy in the mundane each day.

In 2013 I learned a lot about my mental health, I realised a way out of years of oppressive and obsessive anxiety and with the help of my family and friends, some counselling and a hugely supportive husband started so see that even on the rough days there were moments of joy starting with my daughters energy and passion for life and filtering into those every day moments where I’d previously fill my time with list making planning and worries, like doing the dishes, making a meal and tidying the toys.

So today, day one, starts with doing the dishes, a bright mobile above the sink and the radio playing in the background, mundane? Definitely, but a moment to enjoy free from anxiety.

So what of days when I don’t blog, don’t feel like doing much or struggle to see the light? Well I suppose those days I’ll work harder to find it, and it will be interesting to track the nature of the photograph over the year, through finishing my Masters, late nights, early mornings, some big important birthdays, special days and new opportunities. Day one…

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Children’s Centre Funding Proposals

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This week at work I was engaged in responding to Budget Proposals around Adult Social Care. In doing some research and reading I came across a campaign urging me to respond to proposals around our local children’s centres. I have blogged about their importance before here.

The local campaign page can be found here:

The Facts

  • The proposed budget cuts may result in a 56% reduction in Gateshead Sure Start centre funding.
  • If these cuts go ahead some of Gateshead Sure Start centres may be closed.
  • It is not known yet what the criteria will be for closing centres; it may be down to areas of higher disadvantage or it may be down to current centre usage.
  • Sure Start staff members may face disciplinary action if they help with this campaign.

You however, can help!

I was doing some further reading around policy and development this week for a secondment I applied for recently, more on that later, but I came across a great read arguing for longer term thinking about children’s services, you can read more here

This was my response on Facebook:

As their parents face cuts in other areas of their lives, job losses, reduced family budgets and increasing prices the idea of cutting their children’s opportunities to access play and learning facilities that support their development, whilst often supporting parents’ mental health and opportunities to engage with other parents is not a sustainable long term solution. Children’s Centres should be seen as a long term community asset, and other options for their future explored. As a new parent last year I was offered no antenatal classes, there were no support services for new parents, and I had three health visitors in six months. The Children’s Centre baby massage class was where I learned to parent, the sensory rooms provided free opportunities to talk to other new parents and the brilliant parent outreach workers provided a friendly welcome and sympathetic ear. I fear for new parents who couldn’t access these opportunities, there is very little available for under fives outside of them.

Please do respond to similar consultations in your own local authority areas and get involved in the debate about funding our children’s futures, its vital we speak up now before it’s too late.

*Sings* “Hello, hello, how are you?…” Mr Tumble, not now, please I’m having a crisis!

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It’s 10pm, I’m reading about post-structuralist feminist theory and the theme tune from Mr Tumble’s Something Special randomly jumps into my head…”it’s good to see you, I say hello…”

ARGH! I think I might be going slowly mad!

Through a mix of determination, counselling and some hilarious failed attempts at mindfulness and meditation (what? you’re not supposed to just crash out asleep on the sofa listening to the CD, it doesn’t work like that, really!?) I had reached a point where most people I met might consider me to be relatively sane and in control of my OCD. Just blogging about this I’m aware of the stigma, what if someone who doesn’t know this about me reads this? A few years ago I’d have been mortified, last week I cheerfully told a lady at the swimming pool I had recovered from postnatal depression, didn’t die from embarrassment when Joss threw my knickers at another child and sang the loudest and tuneless of everyone in the group, it’s good for the soul, just putting yourself out there, I’m a while away from donning a ‘I have OCD’ badge but don’t mind so much being honest about my mental health, after all we all have mental health, whether sunny and delightful or occasionally we get a visit from The Black Dog.

So I was starting to feel a bit unhinged, a bit ‘uhoh it’s back’ and a bit anxious, which tends to make me feel hot and ill, nice! I thought of Mr Chartwell, Rebecca Hunt’s brilliantly conceived of metaphor for Churchill’s depression, creeping Black Pat. She captures the weightyness so well:

‘I understand that we share a wicked union, and I know the goblin bell which summons you comes from a tomb in my heart. And I will honour my principles, labouring against the shadows you herald. I don’t blench from my burden, but -‘ here he let out a deep breath, laying the glasses down gently – ‘it’s so demanding; it leaves me so very tired. It would be some small comfort to me if I could ask how long I must endure this visit. Please, when do you leave?’

“It’s hard to explain. With Churchill we know each other’s movements, so we have a routine, I guess. I like to be there when he wakes up in the morning. Sometimes I drape across his chest. That slows him down for a bit. And then I like to lie around in the corner of the room, crying out like I have terrible injuries. Sometimes I’ll burst out at him from behind some furniture and bark in his face. During meals I’ll squat near his plate and breathe over his food. I might lean on him too when he’s standing up, or hang off him in some way. I also make an effort to block out the sunlight whenever I can.”

I know why it’s back, trying to do too much and the old rusty brain thinking, hang on, can’t catch up, too many thoughts so it just grinds to a messy halt. In short, I get a bit lazy, the fight to keep the lights on gets tiring.

A call to self-refer, the words relapse and obsessive and I’m feeling like I have a safety net in place again. Mammywoo blogged about the turning on of a light earlier this week, flickering through the dark, ironically I bought a S.A.D lamp later that afternoon fearing the return of winter, dark nights and the dark places we sometimes go to, my brain and I.

A few days on I feel a bit better again, Joss has enjoyed a bit of TV, the world didn’t come to an end because she watched a bit of ITNG whilst I took a few deep breaths, a bit of time with Daddy and the revelation that even if I feel really really shitty her grin stops me in my tracks is a relief, it’s really life enriching this new family life and having someone else depending on me is a huge relief, it’s easier to ask for help and easier to seek support when you have someone so dependent on you that you can’t go off the rails, however tempting.

So for today I feel OK, a good coffee, a spot of retail therapy and a grin from my man and girl are keeping me going.

 

PND and Mother’s guilt? When does it get too much?

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“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” – Benjamin Spock

(This post is written purely from my own experience, it is about mental health, it makes no claims to advise, only to encourage parents who may be experiencing PND)

When I had Joss I quickly developed an early onset anxiety. In the early days I worried I wasn’t going to be a good mama, when she was six months old it got too much to bear. These six statements are intended to encourage and support mamas experiencing similar feelings and issues. In my case this was probably more postnatal anxiety than postnatal depression, but I hope that talking about my experiences might help other mamas, without the labels as I’m no expert!

Number one: You know more than you think you know
This has become a bit of a mantra when I meet new mums at baby groups and the likes. I remember Joss being about five days old and I couldn’t rest, couldn’t sleep, I was frantic, reading books about breastfeeding, routines, anti-routines, turning night into day and day into night, child development, I felt overwhelmed! Things came to a head when my husband hid a copy of Gina Ford under the bookcase and a copy of Your Baby, the First Year in the shoe cupboard. How could I be the best for her? Was I meeting her needs? What more did she need? What about her development? Her weight? Oh my, her weight, was she putting it on, was she swallowing milk, how could I keep her awake to feed, questions, questions, questions. It was that classic anxiety, that old what if? that has followed me through most of my life. It was back, last seen at uni, 2005, back in 2012 with a vengeance. Looking back I knew more than I gave myself credit for, she is my daughter, she just sort of fits with me, I got to know her whims, wants and needs quickly and all seems to be well, so have faith mama, you know more than you think you know.
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Number two: You’re doing the best you can
Try to let bad days be just that, a bad day, don’t fret and let it turn into a bad week, a bad month, this too shall pass and you are doing the very best you can.

Number three: If you’re worried it’s a good thing, it shows you care
When I was really really anxious, I remember it well, it was about weaning and whether Joss was eating enough and whether I was feeding her a good enough balance, at that time I was really worried that I was worrying too much. Someone said to me, what would happen if you didn’t worry about your little girl? It taught me that worry is on a continuum, too much and we tip over, too little and we don’t do enough, so a little worry is healthy, don’t beat yourself up if you’re an anxious sort, we’re ok, there are a lot of us out there!

Lesson four: You know they will do it in their own time
Someone asked me recently whether Joss is walking, she isn’t. You know at baby groups, there’s always someone who wants to know what all the babies are doing, usually because their child is ahead? That used to get to me, not anymore, I look at that smiling face and think to myself, if I can make you smile every day and you make me smile too then the rest will follow, and it will!

Number five: If mama aint happy aint nobody happy
We had this on a babygro, I liked it, when I read it and realised it meant I needed to slow down and have some time for me it sort of became a mantra. Don’t burn yourself out, I sometimes (ok often) worry that I shouldn’t be away from Joss, mamas at baby group would gloat about never having been away from their little ones. If you want to stay with your baby that’s cool, if you want and need a break then ask for one, and don’t feel guilty, a little time may just refresh you, this is especially important for me now Joss is teething – on those days when you can do no right you sometimes just need five minutes peace and quiet just to catch your breath and head back into the fray with a smile.

Number six: It might help to do some sense checking
This won’t work for everyone, I used to do my sense checking via Google, see something I didn’t like and spiral away into anxiety. I learned through CBT to do it in my own head, so when I was anxious that Joss wasn’t eating well and skipping meals I looked to how energetic she was, windmilling away and rolling, I learned that babies can regulate their own appetites quite well thank you very much, and let her take the lead, it helped to work through my worries logically sometimes.

If you’re interested in CBT you could speak to your GP, many areas have self-referral into CBT now too. There are also lots of mental health and post partum networks online, just search #ppd or #pnd on twitter and a lot comes up.